Pretending is all i can do now...Even if my ex and i still "hang out" as friends, all i can do is lie and pretend that i'm ok now. And everyday, the opposite happens. I say to my friends, "I dont care about him anymore. He can fuck up his life for all i care. It's his sorry ass, not mine."But no... i hurt myself even more when i say it. But if i don't say it, then how can i let my HEART

understand that it's over?It's been a month now. And I still harbor feelings for my ex. It fucking hurts to see him. It fucking hurts when he ignores me.It fucking hurts when he talks to me - as a common friend.As i said before, maybe it's better to lose every attachment i have with him.Lose my other friends... Lose my hobbies...But I'm asking the impossible. If it's possible then I'm probably dead. I would become a zombie with no feelings.. no fun... I would become an anti-social, boring, unethusiastic loner with no life.

How can you pretend to not love the person you love so much?How can you hide love and just let it die alone in your heart?Time? Patience is not one of my fucked up virtues. I don't want to wait for my suffering to end.

Then maybe I'm asking for a miracle. When i say miracle - new set of friends, new place to hang out with, new person to fall in love with. yeah... those kind of miracles...

My mask is crumbling... i don't have the power to pretend anymore. Everyone knows and sees by the way I act that I'm still stuck on my ex. And he's happy about it. He's happy that some girl he dumped is still chasing him.

My mask is falling... I'm not that strong anymore.This was the last straw. This was the last of my capacity to hide.

I can't hide behind my mask anymore. I can't pretend.I can't lie.