After all these years... I thought i haven't given up on Love. I always thought i'd eventually 'fall in love again'. But i've come to this point, where i'm tired of 'falling in love' again... i don't want to 'fall in love' anymore.

The heart aches... the pain... the sacrifices...
All i can say is: I don't regret everything i did for my ex's... but the question still remains... is it worth it?

People have been telling me to stop sacrificing my own happiness for a guy. But i can't help it. when i love a person, i give it my all. it's a pitiful mistake, but a mistake i can't help but give to the person i love...

i love too much... i give too much... that there's only a bit left for me.
And people ask me... do you regret it?
And every time, i always answer: No, i don't regret it.
And they ask again: are you happy about it?
And i answer: yes im happy because i made them happy, but i'm sad because... i know after the sacrifice, i won't be getting any response in return.

That's what sacrifices are for... so others will be happy... you hurt a part of yourself. And you don't expect anything in return. At first, it really hurts. And that's why people say that i regret it. But actually, i don't regret every sacrifice i did for the guys i loved in my life. i loved them with everything i've got... and i'm happy that i made them happy even just once. Even if they don't love me in return...

So even if i'm trying to win my ex's affection back... if he says he's happy about it, even if he can't love me back anymore... i'm giving up already. i don't want to be a quitter in this so called 'love', but i guess i'm just too tired to go on like this anymore. i'm scared that if i go on like this... i might lose myself, and kill myself someday... and now i tell the people: he isn't worth dying for anymore. i've done everything i can, to be given another chance... to chase after a guy after being dumped is one of the forbidden 'rules in society for women'. girls like these are labeled 'desperada'. but it doesn't matter what my reputation will be, i don't care anymore. i'm tired already...
so be proud, i'm finally giving up the chase.

but i'm afraid, that in order for me to do this, i'll be sacrificing my friendship with other people... for this guy again. it's a sacrifice that i have to make... again.

someone once told me: "if a guy isn't ready to let go of his friends and vices... then he isn't ready to have a relationship with you..." ----> and you know what? he's right. he's definitely right. but it works both ways. i have to do this too.

and i was willing to let go... but my ex wasn't.

so now... i'm going to give myself a rest.
give myself time.
give myself peace.

i'm giving up on love... i'm giving up on him...
i just realized that i can't take another heart break anymore.
i'm tired now...and there are many other responsibilities awaiting me... college... family... friends and hobbies will be cut off now...

good bye, pc gaming... good bye, hang out...
hello, geek goody-two-shoes world!
may i survive to live and be happy to be alone once again...

i don't think i'll ever love a guy again...
i don't want to be used anymore...
i don't want to be hurt anymore...